Love me when I least deserve it
by LovelyLovelessInDenial
Summary: Because that's when I need it most. Akito only wished he would see her at her best.


Hi! This is my first story, and I know I'm not a very good writer, but I want to be, so I'm hoping to get better and better through fanfiction:) this is for my cousin, who told me to make an account on here in the first place. I'm also never going to show her this because its embarrassing. Oh and Akitos a girl in this, cause manga.

Disclaimer: I don't even own the carpet I'm sitting on.

* * *

Some days, Akito was on top of the world. She was happy (as happy as she ever was, anyway) strong, confident, content. Those days were few and far between, happening erratically and 90% of the time, without reason. There was one thing similar about those days though, and that was that he was never there. She had never once saw Shigure on these days, never once heard his deep, cruel voice. It was always so precise, she had never seen him on those days, no matter how much she wanted to.

She had noticed the pattern quickly, of course. Akito wasn't dumb. It had annoyed her at first, she wished for him to be there when she was at her best. She had tried everything to make him be there those days, even trying to hunt him down herself. But he would never be around her when she was happy, no matter how much she tried. So in the end she accepted it with a heavy heart.

* * *

Some days, Akito was sad. On these days she was sliding into a dark blue pit of loneliness, suffocating in a river of despair. On these days she was ugly, on the inside and the out. On these days she was lifeless, broken, and so full of regrets she wanted to die, kill herself in the most beautiful and brutal ways. Spread entrancing red blood on the cold, cold ground, mar porcelain skin with deep red gashes. On these days blood dripped slowly in a steady drip-drip-drip that drove her insane.

He always found her on those days, no matter where she curled up in, hoping desperately no one would see her like this; Hoping no one would see her this bad. He would find her, take her in his arms and hold her. He would whisper sweet nothing's that he would never mean, rock her in his strong arms till she fell asleep, and take her back to her bed. He would tuck her in and kiss her forehead, and it was so sickeningly sweet, so unlike him, that she would convince herself it was a dream.

On these days, he was always there.

And she both loved and hated him for it.

* * *

Some days, Akito was mad. On these days there was a fire burning in her chest and glass shards all over the floor, and she needed others to feel this pain too. She needed others to suffer through the choking smoke she lived in, to feel the needles pricking her when she was resting. On these days, she was putrid and disgusting and hateful. On these days, she was at her worst.

He was always there then too. On these days he would be there for her all day. He would take her kicks, her punches and her slaps without complaint or retaliation. On these days he would stop her from doing anything she would regret. On these days, he was her bodyguard, her punching bag, and her diary. On these days, he was the only one who would protect her from herself. On these days, he was the only one who could say 'I love you' and mean it. (Or maybe simply pretend like he means it.)

* * *

Some days, Akito was nothing. On these days she was falling into an endless pit of darkness, feeling nothing. On these days she had already drowned, and was now sitting at the bottom staring up at the too-dim light. On these days she never felt anything, no matter how deep the cuts or how hot the fire.

These days would stack up, piling one on top of another until just as she was teetering on the very brink of an oblivion she would certainly never escape from, he would come and kiss her. He would wake her up, force her to feel all the too-sharp and too-harsh emotions. He would break her heart and make her whole, all in one swift move. He would show her all the terrible emotions she had forgotten about, and when she was finally whole again, he would leave her alone to endure all the regrets and sadness that she had missed out on.

* * *

In the end, all Akito wanted was for him to see her when she was deserving of his love, so she could stop feeling as though it was all fake and she was taking that which she did not deserve.

_ He was never there when she wanted him, only when she needed him_

* * *

A/N

Well then. I'm sorry if you forced yourself to read all that, and sorry it's so short. The words just kinda stopped coming after a while.

oh well.

And sorry if it has awkward spacing, this is my first time publishing on here:(

Review please?


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